I remember when I was little, you would surprise me with cute dresses and hair accessories from the Philippines. Whenever I came to visit you, you’d offer me those hard strawberry candies with filling inside. Back in the days when you could still walk, when you could still talk, when you were able to get to places on you own. ….even until now while you lied there, cold and lifeless, I still regarded you as the strongest woman I had ever known.

My dad would always tell me stories of you. One of which how you endured going to work every day in order to get enough money to bring the rest of my uncles and aunts to America. Rain or shine, you’d take the VTA bus to go to Great America, work there as a janitor, and still come back home with enough strength to take care of the family. He would also tell me stories of your hard life back in the Philippines. You worked on the farm and the fields, cultivating plants and butchering meat. You suffered through so much hardships just to support your children. Until now, you’ve been fighting through cancer, suffering by yourself. If only we had the ability to take away all your pain…

There were so many things I wanted to do for you. I remember you asked me to sing for you, but I was be too shy and nervous to do so. Now you’re not here anymore. I regret every single thing. I regret not visiting you enough, even though my dad and brother would visit you almost every day. You lived less than a 5-minute walk away from my house, yet I’d always have excuses like “I have too much homework” or “I need to study.” I hate myself for that, for being too selfish. The last time I saw you alive was a little more than a week ago. I will never be able to see you ever again. I have finally truly experienced the meaning of, You never realize what you have until it’s gone.

Reality is hitting me so hard right now, I just can’t accept the fact that you’re gone from this world….forever. I will never get to see you alive, hug you, hold your hand, stroke your arm, or even see your smiling face—the face with the emotion of joy & love that I’ve become so familiar with since childhood that has been etched into my mind forever. I cannot bring myself to say goodbye. 

It would take a lifetime for us to be okay.

Rest In Peace, Nana. No words can ever describe how dearly we love you. ♥

I really really really want to find a pair of heels like these. I’ve been trying to look for them for almost more than year now.

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I already know that my singing isn’t as great as before. I already know that I can’t hit those high notes like I used to. I already know that my vibratos can’t compare to those of someone like Adele.

But you are in no position to lecture me if you can’t do better.

Waking up at 6 in the morning tomorrow, omg.

THE SUN AIN’T EVEN OUT YET.

Basically the solution to everything.

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